Missing U

Don’t know much about you now
Haven’t really seen your smile
Don’t know much about your world
While we’re here pacing this Earth

I want to ask how you’ve been
Surprised that you want to see me again
Yeah I know it has been a while
I wish I could just kiss you now

Just like before
I should’ve held onto you
Just like before
I should’ve said I loved you

You’re the one I’ve always yearned
For and I’m just waiting my turn
For these memories here to burn
More than ever
I look in the mirror
I don’t even know her

Anymore.

Don’t know much about you now
Haven’t really seen your smile
Don’t know much about your world
While we’re here pacing this Earth
Of ours

Do You Remember The Time of Your Life

[What's wrong with September? School. That's what.]

--

I’m so glad you made the time
To see me and speak again
“How’s your life –
How’ve you been?”

You’ve been kind to me,
But been busier than ever
With all that school work
Too busy to talk about the weather
Oh baby do you remember
Oh baby remember, when
We use to hold each other
Like this–

I go back to September all the time
Trying so hard to realize
What went wrong
Things I've just gone along
With this smile...

Knight in Shining White Armour

Lately everywhere around me
There are stories of fairy tales
But hey, this is for you
Who stopped believin’ them
Told me they don’t come true
I’m sorry girl
The one who broke your heart
Sorry he shattered your world
Thinkin’ he played the part

I understand how hard it’s been
That there is no happiness
After all that you’ve seen
And baby you can’t love me
I can barely utter wo ai ni
Cause you’re too scared it seems
Or maybe cause I’m too scared to dream
But I wish I could just hit rewind…

[Rewindin’ time
Going back to before
Returning to what we had
Before you shut the door
And just hit replay
Go back to our separate ways
Before I met you]

She always said that fairy tales aren’t true
And that her prince charming, never did come through
But baby please believe me when I say
That an angel’s coming, here any day
She always believed that her ex was the best
And never smiled to me
Cause I was just like the rest
Oh girl please don’t cry
Here lemme dry your eyes
And let’s go on wishin’ for you
That I promise fairytales will come true

Let me take that step and do something crazy
And here is what I believe
I’ll turn the tables right around
And tell you what I’m bound
To do is to turn that no to a maybe
Cause although you think that I’m like the rest
But no worries I’ll turn it ‘round
"And change that maybe into a yes"

Brave for You

"...this one's for you."
Bravery: Being fearful, but standing up and facing the fear.

[Background information: a couple broke up over a dispute and the guy is shouting all his thoughts over the phone, not realizing that on the other end of the phone, the girl is sitting on the floor crying as she listens.]

"Girl, I know you’re hidin’
From me without reason
And I can only hear your silence
When I’m on the phone

I know you can’t love me
And that you want to leave
Before it’s dark, there’s no return
I’ll take this breath alone

I’ve been brave for you
It’s the best I can do
Holding my breath
Casting my thoughts away
Before our memories fade

I didn’t want you to worry
But that’s the least it seems
I don’t want our memories
For when I’m feeling lonely
I’ll just drown the thoughts away

I’ve been brave for you
I swear it’s the best I can do
I’ve been brave enough
To let go of my love

But please just talk to me
I never wanted this to be
Never wanted it to turn like this
I remember when I first met you
'Excuse me miss,
Can I get your name?'
Baby, I know things can't be the same
Between us, never again that kiss
The first one, that made me
Fall in love
Never again

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I never meant for this to happen.
I've tried so hard pretendin'
I've tried so hard to be brave for you."

[dial tone]

Baby Tell Me Why

[When roads get too long
I’ll be there when
You can’t carry on

But then hear me, babe
I have to ask this
Ask myself everyday...
Yeah]

Why – please tell me
Why not me?
When you had always said
We were meant to be

I – want to tell you
I want to love you
But just like another
I saw right through you

[I tried to out run
Another dream to shatter
Another picture to burn

But I’m stuck here
Asking myself this]

Why – please tell me
Why not me?
When I have everything
Anything that you will need

Cause baby I’ve been
I’ve been lost in another dream
When my eyes are closed
One where you are with me

[Say Hae]

Yeah?

[Hah. Where's my melody?]

Still Incompleted

08.17.2010
Found this somewhere. I talk to the person who treats me like dirt more than the person who used to make me feel amazing. Kinda sucks. Just kinda.


[Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you]

Now wait a minute.
That’s not right
Not the right words
I need to say to you.
--

You say
I'm beautiful
Even when I'm not

You say
All the right things
That I want to hear

To you
I’m cute
When I’m angry

I have
You to wipe away tears
And be there
Smiling with me.

And I say
These words
From my heart

I want you to stay
Here by my side

All I can really say
To you and only
I love you
Forever and always

And when days
Fade away
Into darkness with no stars
I'll have you to hold onto

My heart stops
When you look at me
One kiss from you
And damn I can't breathe

Hey Cupid

[Hey Cupid
Didn’t think she
Got me by my tie
Stuck here even longer
Without her by my side…]

Oh baby, I never knew
That even after all these months
I’d still be texting you
I know it shouldn’t be
Something that I do
But babe I just can’t help it

Cause baby, all I know
That even after all these months
I still can’t let go
Making my way around
Thinking that another you
Just can’t be found
But babe I just can’t help it

You got me runnin’ in circles
You got me runnin’ from sorrows
Everyone knows that
I’m still not over you
Every time my heart goes through
I always end up texting you

I want you here with me
But it’s not all I need
Oh baby baby, can’t you see
This is what I need
Is for you to always be
My lady~

[Hey my first girl
Won’t you be my last girl
Hey my first kiss
Won’t you be my last –
Kiss…
You’re the one I miss]

Growing Up

Too tired of listening
To fairy tales you’re whispering
Feeling too old to believe
I can’t see what you see

It doesn’t exist, nothing
As true faith and trust
No, you won’t convince
Me, that there is magic dust

Walking through the shadows
Not ready to face tomorrow
I walk past your tales
Of past and ‘afore
Reality hides in the dark
Behind these closed doors

Yet every single dream
That I try to understand
Every word, every scene
No, I just can’t understand

I’m standing in line
Waiting my turn
I’m standing behind others
Waiting for childhood to burn

It’s so hard to believe
Every line and memory
These foolish fantasies
Of what you call…
These childish stories
Oh, what you call a dream

Nightmarish Dreams

I lie awake late at night
Curled up lifelessly in my bed
Unknown to others is my mind
The thoughts running through my head
I fight to restrain them
These memories uncontained then
And you enter my life once more
The way you embraced me like before
That was then...this is now
As Poe had vowed, "Nevermore."

Feverish imagination into nightmarish dreams
I sulk down the empty halls unseen
Stealthily evading capture, hunt
From your gaze I can't outrun
I stalk down in the shadows
Prey, lost like a child
Quietly breathing, quietly living
Another minute 'til tomorrow

The scene so familiar, forgotten
Like the glow of a dying ember
Memories like an extinguished flame
And I snap back into reality again

Tick Tock Tick Tock

The clock hums its ominous sound
I pray to God that I'm not found
Your voice once so sweet to me
Now frightens whole-heartedly
It calls out "Hae, where are you?"
The only answer is my heart beating

Thud Thud Thud

I bite my tongue and go on through
"Tell me you love me...dear!"
I mutter, "Only when we were near."
I must admit, I did before
But as Poe regretted, "Nevermore."

Your footsteps fade away
To think I'm saved for another day
A breath of relief escapes me
Another day, another day more
But an icy hand grips my shoulder
"Hae, we can be together
Together forever, it's what you believed."
Belief without a sense of reality.
You plunged a dagger into my heart
Thinking now death do us part

I wake up screaming...
Cold sweats in fear
Wake up screaming
With dreams so clear
The invisible pain at my chest
Faded as she comes in
To pick me back up and says
Just another dream.

Fight it No Longer

Everywhere I look, our memories remind me of times together. I smile, shrug it off and push you into the back of my mind. Because really, all I want is to be your close friend as promised. I go on with my day, until a day where I break. But I gather myself together, pick myself back up and move along.
Hell, you've made me strong.
--

What will it take for me
To open your eyes
And to make you see
What I’ve got inside

I’m not like the others
Here I though of forever
I’m just another dreamer
But far longer than forever
Right beside you
But hey – that’s okay

Sorry for all the times that he’s lied
No, I can’t imagine what it’s like
Sorry you’re stuck with another sigh
But I promised you – I won’t let you cry

That was another place
And here is another face
That was another time
Can’t blame me for his crimes

But just let me inside
Let me prove things are right
And lay down your walls
Hear as my voice calls
Fight it no longer…

When will you see
That I’ll always be
Your friend – friend
Forever ’til the end

So fight me no more
Don’t walk out the door
Girl, when will you see
I’m not your enemy

Crazy Optimism for a False Reality

I cry, not because I cannot accept things as they are. I cry because I remember her face as she was crying. The words she said. She can never say them again. Not to me anyways. Just feels empty inside.

--

I’m foolish really, naïve
I know of no one but you
And I’ll keep fighting
For what I believe in
And what I believed in
Was you.

I whisper I miss you
When you’re looking at him
You’ll never know my feelings
The beating of my heart dims

I won’t be in your days
Our memories will fade
Yet I look at you, only you
And these tears keep coming

I watch you walk by, still happy
Even though your heart’s gone
I still can’t move on and see
I should stop this and go on

Withstanding the pain each day
These words lingered at my lips
But set in my heart everyday

Alone again, crying for you
Once more, missing you
I want to say I love you
And I’m waiting for you.

My heart aches remembering your tears
When I said I’d take away our fears
Only loved me when you were near

The distance between us
I hate it so
I guess it’s time to say goodbye
Even if I can’t hold you like this again
Even if things can never be the same
I’ll keep on hoping
Because I love you

Maybe It's All For The Best

Dedicated to my brother, hope he soon can move on and forget her.
--

I swallow my sigh
Again you’re just another
Another face I fell for
With lights turned off
Darkness surrounds me
From you I saved my heart
Though piece by piece
Slowly it dies
From our memories

But soon I’ll move on
By forgetting you
And the late dawn
Wakes to a new day

Morning rises without my love
But I’ll dream of a new one
I’ll dream with my greedy heart
Another one to play the part

Even after countless times
Of heartbreaks and sighs
I’ll have a heart stronger
Strong enough to recover
Yeah, I’m so over you

I now see flowers bloom beautifully
The beauty in life I missed
Because my eyes saw only you
If only then I understood
Things so easily
Good things hidden in your shadow
What I realize at this moment is
The power to love someone
Who is going to promise me, forever

I’ll live my life, faithful
With no promises of lies
I’ll move on with hope
And when these tear drops stop
I’ll understand that parting
Was for the best for both hearts

And yet I'll say,
"I love you."

Memories Replay

And I'm lost late at night
When darkness eats away at the light
I lie alone, awake
With our memories replaying
My heart races again
With our first kiss
My heart lightens again
With your first touch
The embers in my soul
Rekindled by your love
I'll never forget
My heart, mind, soul
Won't let me forget
And I lie awake
On this dark lonely night
Wondering where you are
Wondering...wondering
What a sight.

I Was Wrong; Forgive Me

Everything we do influences someone. That someone could be a random stranger on the street, or that someone could be our loved one.
You know that you have the world when you realize that there's this one person in your life whom you have never lied to.
As for me? I've found that person.
I have faith that I'll never have to lie to that person.
And this faith will never falter.

--

This lie
Born in my blood
And grown within my beating heart
Has lived through my words

This action
Born of impulse
Bred from temptation
Is the mother of my lie

And from this lie
Came birth another
And from another
Came birth a lie

Cast in the shadows
Truth – she’ll never know
What the truth
Really is
Fed with lies
But starved of justice
Obliviousness is the key

And to lie again
The easiest day
Was yesterday
And today
Is just a day away
With these words open
Like a broken record play

And to lie again
To stop her from leaving
And to keep her
Still believing
Guess it can't last

And with this blood
Where the lie was first born
With this tainted heart
I’ll write to her
The truth of my lies

How About a Wish Right Now

Is this a dream
Because I don't remember how I got here
Lying here beside
Holding her hand
Close to mine

This must be a dream
It's too good
To be a reality
Having her
Right here
Loving me

But if this is a dream
Don't let me wake
Let me sleep through the night
With wishes of her
Hearing her heart beat next to mine

An Unworthy Restless Night

Short little blurb that popped in my head at night. This was when...I thought I'd see someone again the next day, but then the morning of they texted me saying they couldn't go.
An unworthy restless night.
--

And I sit here in darkness
Praying morning would sooner come
And he mocks me with time
Making each second slip by
Just to be rewound
Hearing the clock strike 12
Hearing it sound
And I ask again
“Oh God, please let morning come.”

A Writer's Wish. A Lover's Life.

Dreams again
Considers everything and everyone
But this idea’s fading
Logic, and reality
Reason, fantasy
I’ve fallen before
Been hurt before
And yet –
Love gives me wish and hope

Once companions together
And secretly yearned for
Pity that this night
Where the fireworks have stopped
So dark, can’t see
Were on the verge to believe
In love for eternity
Only fallen short one step
Illusions have turned into stars above
With whom lives in love
And who buries love
Where are the heavens?
The stars, the angels
Can they not hear my voice?
Fearful rising
Will be the cause of disappointment
The rest is in vain
Consequences –
Vanished, completely cut away

Erase the fear
Tear away the vanity
And only when you forget old love
Can you move on
In this life, my very own
I can’t break the memories
Truth and lies like fickle clouds
With only the sky watching
Where they end up

- End of Another Dream

Tornado Meets a Volcano

Bracket = Second Voice.

If only it would rain
and wash away these tears
Wash away this pain
If only she could hear
The cries of my heart
Longing for her love
Once more again
Longing for her touch
--

[Don't know what you've done again.
Not again.]

It's storming and thundering
The sky ready to pour
My phone rings
I answer it,
Hoping it was her call
But no, just another
Mono-toned operator
Tellin' me this: “Just leave her.”

[But listen,
You got me stuck here believin'
That when I found you
And when you found me
The words that lingered
Were “Always meant to be”
Together and forever
It's what we believed
But I guess it was subliminally
Hinted that someday reality
Would wreck this fantasy

And leave me with nothing
To hold onto.]

Set Your Spirit Free

Our fantasy, insanity
'Cause since you left
Please come on back
Pain in my chest, I can't see
Oh shit, more flashing lights
Another heart attack

And it's so wrong
'Cause I felt that somehow
This could work - now
But if with him is
Where you belong
That's okay, 'cause
Our chapter's done
This story goes on

Even if you're not my baby
And not here with me
“All I want is to
set your heart free.”

We used to tease and fight
And laughter felt so right
Teach me how to catch
This falling star
Ever since we've been apart
Tell me: What am I
Supposed to do~

My beating heart
I can't control
Call 911!
Emergency before I let it go

And I Dreamt of Her

Temptations one too many
The things you can see
I understand too little

Predict for the long dark night
Until the morning we'll know

Companions one too many
Roads worn and weary
We leave behind too little

I just woke from this dream
I remember laughing
Now why am I crying
Reality hit me it seems

Mirrored illusions
Flower in the mist
Almost as real as our heartbeat

If I don't wake from this dream
Tears clearly rolling down my cheek
And yet now I'm laughing
At my stupid fantasy

Hatred one too many
Mocking my insanity
Only love not enough

- End of a Dream.

Reality

And it doesn’t matter what you feel
Because in this world, it can be
Just too cold, too real
Open your eyes and see
That life can be worth living for
Hearts may die, love may fail
But – wait, there’s more
Happiness here, light prevails
Through the darkness and weary
Allowing us to see clearly
Those who love us,
Cherish us,
Want us,
Need us in their life
And just open your eyes
Please, through the
Chaos and insanity
Logic versus reality
Reality against fantasies
And you’ll see…
That life can be worth living for

An Angel in Disguise

Here's a change. How about a story instead? Haven't written stories in a while, I might start a mini series with the main character. ^^
--

I thought everything was over. My mind drifted off to other things as my boss gave me the talk.
It isn't right. I work hard, I complete my quotas, I even work overtime when the others didn't want to. I'm the perfect employee a boss could ask for. So why are you firing me?

I realized my boss was still going on about it.
"You're an amazing employee..." He exclaimed, a little too cheerful for my comfort.
"Thank you," I answered monotonously.
"But the CEO just decided to downsize, I had to hand in someone's name."
You just don't like me.
He continued, "I'm sorry, but I have to let you go."

Those were the last words I remembered before I realized I was standing outside with my cardboard box, looking up at the tall skyscraper where I had spent the last 5 years of my life.

I sighed, "At least I know that Eli is home waiting for me."

Suddenly from above, a roar followed by a huge crash of lightning came. I was mad, furious even. Mad at myself, mad at the world.
"Rain! Rain why don't you! God Damnit! I dare you!"

As if God was waiting for a cue, it rained. No, it didn't just rain. It poured. I dropped to my knees and cried.
--

I looked down at my watch. 20 past 8, Eli isn't home yet. I unlocked the door and decided that a shower would help relieve some stress before Eli got home.
I turned on some music and hopped into the shower. I didn't hear Eli come home with the music and the shower running. Guess she didn't hear me either.

With a towel around my waist, and drying my hair with another towel, I headed towards our bedroom. I could hear faint noises coming from our room. Fearing that it was a robber, I grabbed a vase nearby.

"... Kyle won't be home anytime soon, he's always working over time."
That was Eli.
My heart froze. Could it be some other guy?
"So you decided to try something new," a soft familiar voice answered her.
I swung the door open only to find my sister in my bed. All three of us were staring at each other in shock. Shane grabbed her clothes and took off before I could even have a word with her.

I threw the towel I had in my hand to Eli and looked down onto the floor.
"Kyle! I can explain!"
"There's no need," I said softly.
"Please, just give me a minute!"
"It's okay Eli, it's my fault. I'm sorry. I'll move my stuff out by tomorrow."
"No, please Kyle!"

I got dressed and stormed out of the apartment building. I wandered to Vivons Bridge, named after Martin Vivons. Ironic, this is the place where people choose to die.

As I stood on this bridge, ready to jump and end my miserable life, a scruff voice called out to me.

"Peter, is that you? I barely recognized you!"

I looked down at the old man talking to me. He was dirty, no that didn't even remotely describe how filthy he was. His beard was long and scraggly, grey to match his hair. His clothes were ripped and torn.

"I think you have the wrong person, I'm not Pete..." he interrupted me.
"Look at you Petey Boy! So clean and well shaved! Just like before when we were on top of the world as the CEOs of Linkus! You were always the ladies' man. Ah then our stock crashed...we lost everything," he shed a tear reminiscing.
"I'm not Pete..."I protested again, but he didn't seem to have heard me.
"That's okay though, we're still here aren't we? Still alive and breathing," he coughed as he breathed in deeply to prove his point.

I stepped down from the bridge and offered the old man my hand.

"It's been a while. How about I treat you to a cup of hot coffee?"
"Thank you Peter, that would be really nice."
"No, thank you," I answered. You save my life.

Really random poem.
This cocky main character from a drama I was watching inspired me. He's such an asshole but still is wooed over. So I don't know, thought it was pretty funny.
--

Hey you! Look at me.
Yeah I know that I'm
Always in your head, Oh!

"What should I do?"
Your heart's running fast
So lost without a clue
No idea what's going on
Hah. Let's just move along.

Turning up the music now
Everything's so loud
When I'm around
You can't neglect me
You'll feel so empty

Baby, listen to my confession
Just nod, if you want me
Say, if you want me
What you want me to do
Want me to do to you.

You're my everything
If my heart can't have you.
I'll stop. It won't beat.
I fixed myself to suit you.
Promise to be good
Oh you'll really go crazy
"Be my angel and
Set me free!
Please! Someone just end this
Maybe it's all in my fantasy.
Maybe it's all just me."

Save My Soul Tonight

Tick Tock Tick Tock
Minute hand stuck
It's the final countdown
And we're just out of luck
Listening to the sound
Of time slipping away -

What could I do or say
Words to make you stay
Wishing time could be rewound
Cold air around me closing in
Suffocating, noises drown
Angels' heavenly hymns

Will you save my soul...
Tonight

Read it and Scram

This might seem rude to ask, but...How do you sleep at night knowing that there's hearts that you've broken without effort? The hearts that you've broken because of your "help". The friendships you've torn apart. The love that was lost. Some things can't be brought back
Thank you for one thing though, because of you...I got the courage to just get up, go and just do it. Things do really happen for a reason.
--

Maybe someday we'll cease to believe
In the words we have said today
Believed in forever, so naive
Though our hearts may ache
Somewhere, someday...
In happiness
We'll live one day at a time.

I'm tired of hiding
Behind these shadows
Listen to the melody
Of this broken cello
Know that we're pretending
With our own feelings
Now what's worse?
Now there's you.
--

I swear, please, can't you just
Get out of our faces
Things aren't yours to discuss
You're trying to hook her up
With some other guy
And God, while I
Am standing by
Thinking, "Seriously?...
What the FUCK."
--

How about you slow down
Take a walk in my shoes now
And soon I hope you see
What it's like to be me
Here, let's trade shoes
And see what you put us through.

Stars

I sit here looking up to
The many stars and the moon
That are watching over you
I listen and converse
Through their whispers and my words
With the angels above
Asking them of favours
To help me look after you

And I know that every night
At eleven-eleven
I'd be here praying
Wishin' and wishin'
For your dreams to come true

You're gone, not by my side
I'm lost, please go and find
My heart, where'd it go
It's still with you since you left
Just come back home

Is He Perfect?

My brother, don't hurt.
I've walked through these shoes. I know the pain.
It's not worth it. So smile.
--

Is he an angel, just perfect
Is he everything you ever wanted?
Is he just what you wished for?
Didn't you always ask of me more?

I see you with someone new
My heart sinks, I can't bear
I can't ever expect you to
To ever come back to me
You walk by without a care
All that you want, need
You can get it from him

But...
I'll smile and make do
It happens when I think of you
I'll smile like there's no tomorrow
And somehow wish away all the sorrow

I won't let myself go
Down this painful road
Not this again, never, no

Please forget our memories...
Please forget our memories and never
Come back to me.

In Reply

Someone amazing gave me a note today with a poem.
I haven't been writing much lately because I've lost my words. Pretty much been starstruck to the point where I'm just having trouble saying how I feel.
She just takes my breath away, you know?
And always puts a smile on my face...
I don't know how to put a smile on hers, but she knows exactly how to put one on mine. I love her for that.
Best to love as friend before as lovers right?
This is such a messy rant, but anyways, here's my reply to her poem.
--
I'm happy where I am
And even when I fade away
You pick me up, fix me
'I love you' is all I can say

Wish I could show you how
To you, I want to say more
But, I'm at a loss of words
Never felt this way before

Ray of Light

Things that I remember. Each day a piece of our memories replay in my mind. When we were friends, when we were more, and when we're friends again, these memories remind me how much I cared for her.

There's always someone, in your life...in my life. That someone always has a smile on their face. A smile that not even the world can wipe away. She taught me so many things: about life, about her, and finally...about myself.
Even when the clouds come in, when the sky is ready to cry, just remembering her words make things okay.
"Does it hurt?" I asked her.
"It doesn't because I don't let it hurt."

To Emma.
She's so brave. Her bravery gives me the courage to do something I would have never imagined. Hey life, I'm ready when you are.

You're a Show-Stopper; Jaw-Dropper

Let's waste time
Do nothing at all
Because here with you
Is just where I belong
We're just part-time lovers
Forget about after
Let's live in the moment

Let's stop time
Do what we want to
Living in memories
of times: of me and you
It'll soon be tucked away
Words between us won't stay
Forgotten November

Let's kill time
It never showed me how
Murderers. Tick. Tock.
It's not helping much now
Part-time lovers, life-long friends
Let's make it to the end
And let time die alone

Between You and I

Inspired by a song, and a combination of things. Something I went through, someone who I don't talk to, and something I do.
--

Between you and I
We had shared something -
Special

They didn't believe us
They tried to break us
Told us it wasn't love

They wouldn't leave us
They tried to hurt us
Please, just leave us alone

But you took their word
And moved on from me
Leaving me here -

Empty space surrounds me
I told you, I'm sorry
These earphones whisper
Endless love songs unheard

Between you and I
You're trying to fill
The empty space around you
But between you and I
She doesn't do it -
Like you do
Between you and I
I'm still holding -
Onto our memories

Of times, when I said
I loved you
Of times, when you said
You loved me

I Can't See

I thought...maybe writing from your point of view, I could see what I did wrong. You won't tell me, you won't even have a decent conversation with me. Maybe I should do what he did, and just stop trying. Hey, maybe we just weren't good enough for you.
--

I see her sitting there
Down the hall way
Frantically scribbling
Scribbling of the past
Scribbling to fix
The bond that was broken

She often asks what went
Through my mind when
I pushed her away

Even I don't know
The answer to that simple
Yet heart-breaking question

I just did what I usually did
Love them and leave them
With no sense of regret
Love them and leave them
Was all that I knew

Lies I've said, promises made
Tell them they're special
Lies I've made, promises said
Within the very words
"I love you...I love you."

I see her sitting there
Down the lonely hall
Frantically scribbling
And the look on her face
So hurt, so broken and
Yet I still look to my friends...
And smile.

Dreams

Dreams are what makes us human. Dreams are what makes us sane. But what if your dreams were so far-fetched that some would call you insane?

"Others laugh at my insanity, but I laugh at what they can't see." - Tang Yin

You can dream a whole new world, where troubles disappear. You can dream happy thoughts like dancing ponies, singing elves or sunshine, lollipops. Or... you can have nightmares.

Lately, I've been waking up in the middle of the night, with dreams that I can't tell whether they are horrors or not. Somehow I know that I should be scared, but I'm not. The other night I dreamt that it was the end of November again, beginning of December when my grandmother passed away. This time however, I didn't meet her. She didn't come and save my day like before and this time, I was actually scared.

Did I really need her to save my day back then? Was this a sign from my deceased grandmother saying that I made a very stupid choice? Or was it just another sign telling me that karma is coming to get me...
I don't know.

I'm sorry...Grandmother. I never was the perfect grandchild, I made some mistakes. We all have.

Another dream last night, again I did not know her. I walked by as if we never met, and somehow, watching from afar, I could see there was a smile on my face. I reached out to myself. I wanted to ask, "Are you truly happy? Or are you trying to put on a show for her?"

Before I got a chance to answer myself, the sound of my screaming cellphone awakens me.

Bits and Pieces

I wanted to dedicate this to a friend who I just met earlier this year. Here are some words for her:
"You're truly amazing. I knew that for once I did something right because I got to know you. You're someone special. You know just the right words to say, and sometimes I'm just there with a stupid smile because there are no words to describe how you've changed my life. Thank you."
--

This feeling you give me
Makes you the only one I see
Feelings so damn familiar
I can't seem to remember...

There are days when I long for her touch
And days when I miss her so much
But now that I found you
My heart beats for you

I wish I knew what you're feeling
If it's me you're thinking
'Cause I'm stupid, naive about love
Believing that love is just enough

You picked up pieces of my heart
Within you I saw a new start
I'll shed no more tears over her
'Cause she can't be what I'm living for
...

The words 'I love you' linger
On these lips of mine
Please, never say goodbye
Sing for you, my whole-hearted prayers

Remember Remember, Back to November

Dedicated to someone. They left nothing but memories to hold onto. Can't hate them...Can't love them anymore either. Here's to the lies we made for ourselves.
--

Remember when I said
I'd never fall for you
Remember when we said
The sky would come crashing down
before I do.

Remember the tears that
you wiped away
Remember the smiles that
seem to always be there
and never fade

Where are you now?
Seems like your heart's gone
Gone with the heartless wind
Gone with the gentle breeze

Memories that I once held
So dear to my heart
Are now so cruel, so distant
We both knew from the start
That some things aren't meant

But from you I have sinned
Given up a brother's faith
To pursue sinful love,
With my wretched actions
I have broken faith

From the moment I placed my lips
Against yours, I knew that
Someday, Somewhere...
Debts have to be paid
"Repent for your sins."

There's no need to repent
For I lost everything
And everything was you

It's Too Early To Be Drunk

I sit here alone listening
To the rush of an ocean's wave
To the buzz of a fly's wing
I sit here alone looking
As the wilting flowers wilt
As the fading songs sing
Laughter surrounds me
But inside it's sadness
“I sit here with company
And yet I feel so alone.”
–
Blood pools on the tiled floor
I look down, I grow weak
My vision blurs, I can not see
Is it my blood?
I can't tell for sure
I stare at my tainted hands
These tainted hands, caught red handed
Looking up I catch sight a demon

“Look what you've done,
You wretched child.
Look at what you've become.”
Whispers start to fill my head
All accusing me of things
I had never said
Dropping to my knees
to the growing pool of blood
I slam my fist and shout to him
“Shut up. Shut up. Enough's enough.
I have sinned as much as you have loved.”

I raise my hands, covered in blood
Covered in sins, sins that I
Have committed; sins I've denied
Sins... that we all have tried.
–
I wake up from the awful dream
Wondering if it was reality
“It felt so real, that can't be right”
I pinched myself in the midst of night
Pain, a usual friend, comes to visit
I step out of bed, looking around
I look into the mirror now
Covered in blood?
Yes I am.
Covered in whose blood?
The blood...of ones I loved.
–
“Preposterous,” Pete shouts
“Such a fable of a tale,
Don't pull this shit with me.
Let me remind you, Hae
It's too early to be drunk.”
“Yes,” I nod with my glass at hand
“It's too early to be sober.”

Self Demons

Pacing here, writing in agony
Waiting here for what I couldn't see
The demon of temptation, smiles and smirks
Within the shadows, he awaits and lurks

"Abraxas!" I shout, turning away
Hoping under God's will I won't be swayed

"Everyone lies, what's wrong with that?
Can't you see? It's nothing abstract
She's lying to him; he's lying to her,
It's nothing out of the ordinary if you may concur."

"No, no, that's not right. It can't be true,
You don't know what they've been through."
He approaches me with sinister eyes
And looks at me, teaching me to lie

"There are white lies, good lies,
Beautiful and sad lies
They all cater to the question why
Some are planned, some improvised."

I pull my gaze away, disheartened
His words to my world like a blade unsharpened
Tearing apart what was my reality
Rapidly showing life's brutality

"Maybe it's true, maybe you're right
Thanks to you I now see the light
Maybe she doesn't love me, maybe she does
Maybe it was to her all, 'just because' "

"Yes," he answers, "it was just a game
No matter what she says, it won't be the same
She lied to you, don't cover it up
Humanity itself is just that corrupt."

I nod to him, for I know that she
Trying to hide her true self, was fatigued
And as if reading my thoughts, my mind
He walks up to me with a heavy sigh

The demon whispers, "Lie to her.
Lie to her and find someone better."

Things End As They Begin

I'll be with you watching the sun rise;
Be there waiting with you as the moon shine.
Pulling you close as the tearful sky cries;
Holding your hand wishing as a star dies.

And wishing upon its last earthly glow;
As the harsh winds disagreeably blow.
Not rain that falls from the sky but cold snow
Life may seemingly end...yes love won't grow.

Fallen Angel

An angel who lost his wings;
An angel who no longer sings.
On the day I was born, heavy rain fell;
One innocent angel was sent down to Hell.

Lost and alone, without a glimpse of hope;
Less he knew of another way to cope.
Temptation, pride, greed and lust;
These malicious sins have become a must.

His heart lingered with a void;
Happiness in his soul once enjoyed.
Gone with the bewitching wind;
His heart slowed and he grinned.

An angel he was, he recalls;
"Now I'm the sinner after all."

You Wanted It

If you're happy with them then I am too
For your smile brightens my days
And your tears sadden me, a fool
Your grace always there but unattainable
But I want to be the one that makes you smile
I want to be the one who's there for you
I want to be the shoulder you need to borrow
The hand that holds the umbrella when the rain blows
I want to be so many things
The one that's there laughing with you
Ready to catch you when you fall
To pick you back up and set you back on your feet

But I can't be the one
I can only be the one who ...
Lets go.

Angel

Inspired by a song. Dedicated to ... a friend.
--

If you come across an angel
Tell her that she broke my heart
Yet I'm still waiting for that angel
Waiting for that start ...
---

Will you bring my love back to me?
But it was just something you couldn't do
You said you weren't ready
To try something new
And it pains me to see
How you let this pass by
Without the hopes of what could be
With tears that run dry

I always said that I wanted
No one else but you
But memories always kept me haunted
After what you put me through
But I was wrong
And now I'm gone
You never knew what to say
To make me want to stay

No I won't cry anymore